Bully Bully

Bullying is something that has gotten a lot of attention lately. I understand that with the expansion of social media so also continues the expansion of aggression.  In this case, bullying.  I don't know how much bullying in school has changed but I have been led to believe the majority of the bullying that is getting attention these days in cyber.  I spoke with a high school teacher who once told me how most of the attacks she sees' come through places like Facebook, Twitter, etc... and a majority of bullies are girls harassing other girls.  Now frankly, I'm too far detached to understand what it's like to be in high school anymore.  I remember when I was in high school and the angst and never-ending awkwardness I felt, but I didn't even have a home computer, let alone Internet, and Facebook hadn't even been invented yet.  So to say I understand today's victims or even bullies would be false.  I also knew, even then, high school was bullshit.  People were stupid, and most of the drama didn't matter.  I had outgrown high school before I even got there, so again, I can't really relate to what today's kids are going through.  I do know maliciousness, in any form, is awful, hurtful and scarring, but I don't understand why so many victims of bullying are turning their anger inward and hurting themselves more with drugs, cutting or suicide.  It sounds harsh, but to the victims I want to say, "Stop making yourself a victim!" 'Block,' or 'de-friend' those who hurt you, stand up to the ones who offend you, fight for yourself, respect yourself enough to not need validation through the opinion of someone else. If someone has a problem with you, fuck 'em!

I am generally a peaceful person, however in this case I feel like society is coddling not strengthening kids.  We are teaching kids to endure, but not change.  Sweet little commercials with celebrities tenderly saying 'bullying is wrong' will not change a bully.  I think first we should be teaching community again, we are so selfish and divided these days, there is nothing to bring kids together.  Secondly I think we've lost a bit of old fashioned values.  Kids just don't respect anyone anymore. ( Just typing that makes me feel old). 13 year old girls use names like 'bitch,' 'whore' and 'slut' as terms of endearment for their closest friends; they don't even know what it means to respect themselves enough to see the flaws in that! If this is how they not only expect to treat those they care about (and expect to be treated in return) then God knows what they're capable of saying or doing when they actually want to hurt someone.  If you even want to win a war, send in teenage girls.

As I said, generally I am a peaceful person. There is something to say for teaching kids to be passive and let go of those who speak against them, there is strength in this, Martin Luther King Jr. was notorious for this.  People your whole life will hate you and speak ill towards you, cut these people out of your life as much as possible and otherwise let it go, find your validation in those who love you, not those who despise you.  And if you are confronted in a way in which you cannot back down, for God's sake stand up for yourself!
Again, I know bullying has escalated to a new and terrifying level, and I don't fully understand it.  I just believe you will remain oppressed and a victim as long as you allow yourself to be.  It's cliche but 'no one can offend you without your consent.'

I love the way you lie...

I’m so excited to be getting into the sexism found in music! I’ve never really thought about it too much so it will be a great avenue to explore. Watching the ‘Love the Way You Lie’ video and hearing everyone’s thoughts on it opened a lot a doors I don’t think I would have thought of on my own. For instance the archetypes of Rhianna and Eminem presented in the video: Rhianna is hooded and dressed in black standing in front of a burning house, while Eminem is presented in a much light fashion; on a field surrounded by light and dressed in white—exalting him as the hero in this song about violence and destructive relationships.

It’s entirely possible this whole song is meant to be call of awareness more than a promotion of violence. Eminem who has spoken openly in his music about abusing loved ones and Rhianna who made numerous headlines with her relationship with Chris Brown and the violence involved in that (of which I hear they are back together again), it would seem like a great idea to promote a song that sheds light on the violent pattern of destructive relationships and the need to rid oneself from them. I do think Rhianna sings her part with a bit of sarcasm; with lines such as ‘like the way it hurts,’ and ‘love the way you lie,’ I think are meant to be a bit sardonic, although in the video that message gets lost. Because what we see is a young, passionate couple and the romanticized toxicity of their relationship and the unfortunate cycle that comes with it. I’d say it’s commonly known that relationships of abuse are notorious for their magnetism; the victim may know they need to get out of the relationship, the abuser may know they have a problem, but both parties tend to default back to each other and their destructive ways. It’s unfortunate messages like this are being set for young generations. More and more I feel like women are taught to not respect themselves and to endure the abuses of the men who ‘love’ them. While men are not taught what it means to respect women and deal with feelings lest it make them at all un-manly.

Presentations

I really enjoyed the Thursday night presentations, it was great to see the variety in which people chose their studies. The Jet Magazine presentations were really neat to see since I have never been familiar with that magazine. The study of the earlier issues showing mostly Blacks with ‘white’ features was an honest look at how deeply media pushes for ideal images were, and still are.

 

Aggression and violence in the media is not something we’ve gone over much but I liked the study of it in regards to Sin City, and as truly offense as that movie can be, I agreed with Eleanor when she said sometimes you just have to “enjoy it for what it is.” Having a good understanding of media literacy is an important point in such a case as that since it there are many blockbuster movies that misrepresent a number of groups and lifestyles.

 

The study of the sexy Halloween costumes was great, and funny, because to my own shame, I’ve worn one of those types of costumes before. But once and only once! After the fact one does wonder, ‘what the hell was I thinking?’ It’s an important point though, the idea of women’s sexuality and the dichotomy of how it can be encouraged as a tool for our own power and gain, but also its ability to demean and objectify.

Again, lot’s of great presentations and strong arguments. It’s unreal to see how deeply the vein of media pushes and prejudices run.

The Lesser Sex

I was really shocked by the video we watched in class.  "Killing Us Softly 4"- a presentation by Jean Kilbourne, was a huge eye opener.  I wasn't shocked to see that ads for decades have been telling women to be their created version of the 'ideal woman,' but I was shocked by how subtle it's been and how much I've especially fed into it.  I am not by nature 'skinny;' I have a decent waist, but hippy hips, no bust to speak of but shoulders broad enough to classify me as "hourglass"- a figure mom always said I should be thankful for.  And I work extremely hard to be healthy.  I used to weigh quite a bit and have lost a good amount of weight over the last 5 years, I am proud of myself but I constantly look in the mirror to evaluate my trouble areas and my plan of attack to annihilate them.  It seems I always have 10 more pounds to lose.  Now I'm a pretty confident person, I thank my mom for that.  She has always been a good example of how a woman should respect and carry herself, and how others should respect and treat her.  In my eyes she is the ideal balance of no-nonsense and empathy.  This isn't to romanticize her, it's just to say a lack of confidence and respect has never been listed amongst her flaws.

Nonetheless, I watched this video and was really amazed at just how poorly women are portrayed.  Not just the weight issue, that's obvious, though we (myself included) are still trying to conform to that standard, what got me was the rest of it; that women are often shown as child-like, demure, and quiet. Meant to be beautiful, but disappear.  The most troubling part I found about this is this is becoming the standard for men's 'ideal woman' as well.  That by seeing Alessandra Ambrosio (my husband's claimed ''other wife'') strutting around all slutty but still innocent-like, real women are becoming judged more harshly.  Which is totally unfair given that every pizza commercial I've seen lately features bumbling, dumb slobs of men who should they procreate would only drive the human race into oblivion or at the very least we'd become a society reminiscent to that in the movie "Idiocracy." I refuse to accept a society where men who are "5's" demand and expect women who are "10's"- That's just bullshit.  But a woman who's a "9" with the confidence of a "4" will happily settle for a man who's a "6"-- and has the confidence of a "20." That's messed up.

I also didn't realize the body positions of ads before.  How women are often objectified into objects by eliminating their face or covering them up, or contorting their bodies into more demeaning poses.  Whereas men are more seen looking straight into the camera, astute and strong.  I usually find high fashion photos artistic and poetic; they're bold, erotic, daring.... well that's been skewed a bit.  I know it's always about selling the clothes but I like to think the photographers turn it into an art form.  And perhaps that is their goal, but seeing image after image of the constant demeaning of women and build-up of men, in an industry that's primarily run on femininity (the fashion industry anyways)- well it's just a bummer.  Now I'm talking strictly fashion here but a lot of advertising is in the field of bringing down women for the sake of a product. It's all sickening, really.

The Black Press

"...but I have a voice too, and for good or evil mine is the speech that cannot be silenced." (Joseph Conrad, 'Heart of Darkness')

It egregious to know how blacks have been treated throughout American history. But this is no new fact. Watching the video over the Black Press was actually more inspiring than it was disheartening, though it was disheartening. The human spirit is a complexity of unity and division, compassion and hate.
Oppressed peoples is nothing new in history; since our dawn there are notes of hate and division amongst us, and with that, the fight to press on and equalize it. As Joseph Conrad so eloquently pointed out in his novel ‘Heart of Darkness,’ we are never too civilized to outgrow primitive nature and this, to our demise, is “the horror, the horror.” I empathize with the black community who for hundreds of years have fought, and still fight to have an equal voice. Though I have never known that kind of oppression I think to a degree we can all understand the need to be heard in our own voice and not one decided for us. Which is why I found this video to be inspiring; to see that more prevalent than our ability to hate is our ability to fight. The human spirit is not driven by the luxuries of happiness, but the drive to survive, the want to thrive is only important once we are in a place where survival is not as threatened. And while some of you may disagree with me, turn to history; the depression, the holocaust, slavery, etc… these people were not happy, and did not continue to have hope and fight to one day be happy, they did so because it was simply stronger in them to fight to live, than to submit to death. And why fight to live, especially when so oppressed??? I have no idea. But it’s inspiring to know that we do fight, we push and struggle through because it is simply ingrained in us to do so. And in so doing, we do make breakthroughs, we do help to tip the scales and equalize the balance of things.

The Women

If you ask me, women are the most misrepresented group in media and entertainment. For years I have been annoyed with televisions portrayal of women versus men.  And I say versus because that's what it is; a constant back and forth battle between the two: the nagging "soccer mom" and the over-grown man-child.  The women, who not only must be "Mom of the Year" (first a foremost) they must also must have established careers, be thin and beautiful, a nagging wet blanket to their husband, and the only time they can take for themselves is brief moment day dream about their wonderful life while eating some shitty low-calorie snack.

And then there's the men... Only the elite of you must be beautiful. Unless posing for a cologne ad it seems the media portrays the rest of you as moronic slobs, no offense.  Countless commercials and television shows feature this beautiful but bitch of a woman with this haphazard overweight man-child.  And I KNOW that's how a lot of people have come to believe this is the order of things.  It's as if we box ourselves into these predetermined characters and modify our behaviors accordingly.  I see: 'Woman on TV cleans up constantly after ridiculously messy family' ergo: "I feel guilty if I don't pick up the mess around my house that I didn't make," thanks Bounty and Clorox.  And I know that things are changing all the time and new shows are breaking through these set-up stereotypes little by little, but I still see it in my everyday.  In my own life I see women who bend over backwards to take care of their families and themselves while everyone else, husbands especially, sit idly by.  At my wedding shower I got countless gifts for kitchen and home, and constant advice for how to take care of my house and husband.  Which is all well and good, I want to be a caring and selfless wife but these women.... the advice they gave, it felt as if they had lost themselves somewhere along the way of trying to be the perfect wife and woman.  I feel our identities are being stripped from us before our eyes. As little girls domesticity and femininity are the most nurtured traits we are taught, and with not much alternative. Small plastic kitchens, easy bake ovens and baby dolls- it's what little girls want, right? To play house and mimic their own mothers, who mimicked their mothers and so on.  Even with new generations and new ideas, I don't feel we've progressed much since the 1950's. It's a sad message we give girls, essentially we're saying "you can be whatever you aspire to be, but if you start getting too old and you're not married and not at least thinking about kids you should probably stop pretending with the rest of your life and make that you're focus, because that's where your real value lies." Like having a career is some cute hobby to pass the time until you start your real life as a wife and mom.  I realize this type of mentality is probably more prevalent in the southern states and I can't really speak for what it may be like elsewhere.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a woman, I love being a wife. I find my femininity is my strength, it is my identity, just not in the image that's been and still continues to be set before us.  I am a whole person, with many facets. I am not just a wife first and when I have children I won't be just a mom, I am still a whole person who will embody all these identities and more.... and now I've got one that Alanis Morissette song in my head.


But instead let's end with one of my favorite Maya Angelou poems:

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou