The Women

If you ask me, women are the most misrepresented group in media and entertainment. For years I have been annoyed with televisions portrayal of women versus men.  And I say versus because that's what it is; a constant back and forth battle between the two: the nagging "soccer mom" and the over-grown man-child.  The women, who not only must be "Mom of the Year" (first a foremost) they must also must have established careers, be thin and beautiful, a nagging wet blanket to their husband, and the only time they can take for themselves is brief moment day dream about their wonderful life while eating some shitty low-calorie snack.

And then there's the men... Only the elite of you must be beautiful. Unless posing for a cologne ad it seems the media portrays the rest of you as moronic slobs, no offense.  Countless commercials and television shows feature this beautiful but bitch of a woman with this haphazard overweight man-child.  And I KNOW that's how a lot of people have come to believe this is the order of things.  It's as if we box ourselves into these predetermined characters and modify our behaviors accordingly.  I see: 'Woman on TV cleans up constantly after ridiculously messy family' ergo: "I feel guilty if I don't pick up the mess around my house that I didn't make," thanks Bounty and Clorox.  And I know that things are changing all the time and new shows are breaking through these set-up stereotypes little by little, but I still see it in my everyday.  In my own life I see women who bend over backwards to take care of their families and themselves while everyone else, husbands especially, sit idly by.  At my wedding shower I got countless gifts for kitchen and home, and constant advice for how to take care of my house and husband.  Which is all well and good, I want to be a caring and selfless wife but these women.... the advice they gave, it felt as if they had lost themselves somewhere along the way of trying to be the perfect wife and woman.  I feel our identities are being stripped from us before our eyes. As little girls domesticity and femininity are the most nurtured traits we are taught, and with not much alternative. Small plastic kitchens, easy bake ovens and baby dolls- it's what little girls want, right? To play house and mimic their own mothers, who mimicked their mothers and so on.  Even with new generations and new ideas, I don't feel we've progressed much since the 1950's. It's a sad message we give girls, essentially we're saying "you can be whatever you aspire to be, but if you start getting too old and you're not married and not at least thinking about kids you should probably stop pretending with the rest of your life and make that you're focus, because that's where your real value lies." Like having a career is some cute hobby to pass the time until you start your real life as a wife and mom.  I realize this type of mentality is probably more prevalent in the southern states and I can't really speak for what it may be like elsewhere.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a woman, I love being a wife. I find my femininity is my strength, it is my identity, just not in the image that's been and still continues to be set before us.  I am a whole person, with many facets. I am not just a wife first and when I have children I won't be just a mom, I am still a whole person who will embody all these identities and more.... and now I've got one that Alanis Morissette song in my head.


But instead let's end with one of my favorite Maya Angelou poems:

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou